WEBVTT

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[MUSIC PLAYING]

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I'm Janet, and I'm here to
tell you my birth story.

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So my pregnancy was,
basically, pretty normal.

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We'd been trying for a while.

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We got excited,
went to the doctor,

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and got it all confirmed.

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Had some early scans
done, which were

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a bit much, a bit invasive.

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I didn't think that there were
going to be vaginal exams,

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but there were.

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But that's OK.

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We got through that.

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And then, referred
to the hospital.

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But I didn't get to
see them until 16 weeks

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because the doctor told me
that's when I could get there,

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that's when they took you in.

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When I got there, all of the
places in the midwifery group

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practice were already
taken because, apparently,

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if you know about it in
advance, you can book.

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But I didn't know,
and so I didn't book.

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And so I missed
out, and I had to do

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shared care and hospital care.

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I saw some really
well-qualified people,

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some really friendly,
supportive people,

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but I saw a different
person every time.

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And the appointments
all felt really rushed,

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and I never had time to ask the
questions that I wanted to ask.

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And I just kind of
felt a little treated

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like a number sometimes,
but kind of not at the--

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it was weird.

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I went to some really
helpful antenatal classes,

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and my husband was able to
attend those because they

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were outside work hours.

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And we had a tour
of the birth suites,

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we did a bit of practise
of some physio positions,

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pelvic floor
exercises and stuff.

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And then, the anaesthetist came
and talked about epidurals,

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and we talked about
inductions and caesareans.

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And I was really looking
for more information

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on giving birth
naturally and managing

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the pain without
drugs, but there really

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wasn't much available.

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So that was a bit disappointing.

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Once I got further
along in the pregnancy,

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I saw the doctors and the
midwives at the hospital more

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regularly.

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And I had a really great doctor
right before my due date,

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and he was excellent
and really supportive.

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And I was hoping to see
him again, but I didn't.

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I saw a really
cranky, rushed doctor.

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I was a week overdue
by that point.

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And he was like, no,
you're a week overdue,

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and you have to be
induced because it's too

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dangerous to leave it longer.

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The baby will be too big, it
could be dangerous for you,

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it could be dangerous the baby.

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But I'd heard from friends
that if you were induced,

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the labour was harder
and more painful,

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and you had a greater
chance of caesarean.

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So I really tried to say,
look, no, I want to wait.

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But they insisted.

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And they just made it sound
so scary and so dangerous,

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so I said yes.

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The next day, we turned
up at the hospital

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as instructed, 6 AM.

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And they had a look and
said that I wasn't ripe,

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and I have no idea what wasn't
ripe means, but I wasn't.

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And so they gave me this
gel, they put this gel in

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and told me to walk.

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And so I walked, and I
walked around the ward,

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and I walked up and down the
corridors, into the cafe,

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and everywhere.

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And I kept walking until
visiting hours were over.

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And so Mike had to go home,
and I was there by myself.

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And it was really,
I don't know, that

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was probably the lowest point.

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I felt really isolated
and unsupported.

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But anyway, about midnight, I
started to get some back pain.

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And they checked
me again and said

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that I was ready, so they
could take me to birth suites

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and break my waters.

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So I called Mike, and he
broke all the speed records

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getting back to the hospital.

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And we went in to the birth
suites, and we were like, yay,

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it's it.

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This is it, finally.

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We had a really nice
midwife, and she

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was encouraging me to try
all different positions

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and helping me with pain relief.

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But then that morning,
she went off shift,

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and we got a new midwife in.

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And I think it must've just
been a really busy day for her,

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I think.

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Either that or she was
just not very helpful.

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So she, yeah-- no, she was
pretty negative, actually.

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She told me that she
didn't think that I would--

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the baby was in
the wrong position,

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and that its back
was to my back,

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and that would make
it extra painful,

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and the induction would
make the labour really long,

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and that I clearly
wasn't coping already.

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And so I needed to think
about pain relief options,

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and that epidurals
don't hurt the baby,

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and if I want to
have one, then I

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should have one sooner
rather than later

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because if it gets
too far along,

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then I wouldn't be able to.

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And so I was really--

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didn't want to, but
she sort of made

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me feel like I couldn't do it.

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And I wasn't confident
that I could anymore.

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And so I had the epidural.

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And I didn't think about it
beforehand, really, I guess.

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But of course, once
you've had an epidural,

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then you have a catheter,
and you're in the bed,

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and you've got a foetal
monitor, and it just, I was--

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yeah I was stuck there, then.

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And as soon as the
foetal monitor went on,

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Mike just kept
looking at it and was

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getting really stressed
and worried because he

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could see the heart
rate going up and down.

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And I was just there for ages.

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A new midwife came on then,
and she was lovely, super nice,

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and really supportive.

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But I already had the
epidural by that point,

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so I was in the
bed, stuck there.

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And she was starting
to get a bit concerned

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about the contractions
because they were going down.

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And so they decided to give
me some stuff in a drip

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to speed it all up.

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And I was a bit scared about
it, but I didn't want the baby

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to be in trouble, and I
didn't know what to do

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or whether it was just--

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it felt like it was all
slipping out of my control.

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And so I said yes, and they
put the stuff in the drip.

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And in hindsight,
I wish I'd said

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no because then, the baby
really went into distress,

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and the heart rate on the
monitor just went really down.

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And the next thing I know,
I'm being whisked off down

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the corridor to theatre for a
Caesar and then I had a baby.

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And it just happened.

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It felt like it
just happened to me.

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So here I am, two weeks
later, sitting here

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telling you the
story, and it just

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feels like it's
never going to end.

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I thought that I would be
starting to get into the swing

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of this motherhood
thing now, but I'm--

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yeah, I'm on
antibiotics because I

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have had an infection
in the wound from where

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I had the surgery.

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And they're just making
me feel ill and tired.

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I don't know.

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Maybe I'm tired because
I have a new baby.

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I've been trying to
breastfeed, but at this point,

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I think I'm just going
straight over to bottles.

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It was really hard
at the beginning

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because I couldn't even get
Callum out of the cot

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by myself because I could
hardly move from the wound.

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And then, everyone
just kept giving me

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different advice on how to
hold him-- try this way,

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try that way-- and he
just wouldn't latch,

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and my milk wasn't coming
in, and he was under weight.

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So they suggested that I
top him up with formula,

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and it just kind
of became a thing.

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And so that's just
how it is now.

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I'm sterilising bottles at
5 o'clock in the morning,

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and I'm tired.

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I feel like, from
start to finish,

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nothing went the way that
I expected it would go.

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I thought that it would be
this really joyous experience,

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and I would love
pregnancy, and that birth

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would be transformational.

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But instead, I just
feel like I failed.

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I failed myself, and I failed
the baby, and I failed Mike.

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And everything seems
out of control and--

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like I should have known,
and I should have--

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I don't know.

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Maybe I should have
researched more,

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or maybe I should have talked
to more people or stopped

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and said no to some things.

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But I didn't, and
it's too late now.

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And I just, I guess I
just have to keep going.

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[MUSIC PLAYING]

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