WEBVTT Kind: captions Language: en 00:00:07.200 --> 00:00:13.110 I suppose it's true to say that a humanist funeral is almost completely 00:00:13.110 --> 00:00:20.100 guided by the humanist philosophy that this is the one life that we have. 00:00:20.100 --> 00:00:27.450 From start to finish there's no sense that there's an afterlife. There's every 00:00:27.450 --> 00:00:32.669 sense that the life that was lived was precious and there to be remembered and 00:00:32.669 --> 00:00:38.550 there to be paid tribute to and there to be celebrated and there to be admired 00:00:38.550 --> 00:00:45.899 and there to be respected and there to be laughed at, and there to be, to have 00:00:45.899 --> 00:00:49.530 compassion with for the struggles. I think what I always love 00:00:49.530 --> 00:00:53.639 about a humanist funeral is that we can be tremendously honest about how a 00:00:53.639 --> 00:00:57.870 person has lived their life and the challenges that they faced because we're 00:00:57.870 --> 00:01:03.839 not dressing them up for god, we're almost kind of revealing them as to who 00:01:03.839 --> 00:01:07.830 they really were and that by the end of their life you get a sense of the trajectory 00:01:07.830 --> 00:01:13.770 of that life and the people in that room who love them are listening to that 00:01:13.770 --> 00:01:19.980 story and in telling that story there is comfort and there is healing as well 00:01:19.980 --> 00:01:23.939 or there is, there's help with the grieving process, and that's 00:01:23.939 --> 00:01:30.439 another key thing about a humanist funeral, I think, is that it successfully 00:01:30.439 --> 00:01:34.600 facilitates the grieving process because it's authentic. 00:01:34.600 --> 00:01:44.039 I'm aiming to try and create an event which is going to be memorable in a positive way so that even 00:01:44.039 --> 00:01:50.429 though it may be sad, it may be grievous if the loss is terribly sudden, that when 00:01:50.429 --> 00:01:55.289 those people who attended that funeral look back on it they are able to look 00:01:55.289 --> 00:02:02.400 back and say yes, that was appropriate, that was the life of the person that I've lost. 00:02:02.400 --> 00:02:06.119 We're effectively publicly acknowledging the importance of that 00:02:06.119 --> 00:02:11.600 life before we finally accept the mortality of the person and let them go. 00:02:11.600 --> 00:02:16.350 I had the great privilege of conducting a celebration of life for my friend's 00:02:16.350 --> 00:02:20.340 funeral. She sadly died of cancer and one of the things that she had done 00:02:20.340 --> 00:02:23.939 during her recovery was travel to Peru and a friend of hers in Peru had told 00:02:23.939 --> 00:02:28.530 her about a Peruvian fire ceremony and the fire ceremony is basically you take 00:02:28.530 --> 00:02:33.480 a log for every year of someone's life and give it to someone important and ask 00:02:33.480 --> 00:02:38.939 them to share a story and add the log to the fire and for my friend Laura she was 00:02:38.939 --> 00:02:43.469 38 so there were 38 logs and 38 stories, some of which were anecdotes, some of 00:02:43.469 --> 00:02:48.090 which were just funny little quips about her personality, some of which were 00:02:48.090 --> 00:02:53.489 people's real heartfelt need to say something since her departure and as all 00:02:53.489 --> 00:02:57.900 of those stories were shared, so the fire grew and as the fire grew so everyone 00:02:57.900 --> 00:03:02.730 became warmed and it was an extraordinary experience and exchange 00:03:02.730 --> 00:03:07.290 between everybody there. It was a very visceral expression of grief as well and 00:03:07.290 --> 00:03:12.449 I think again when asking what context ceremony has in these things, grief 00:03:12.449 --> 00:03:17.639 requires a good starting point and I think if that starting point can 00:03:17.639 --> 00:03:22.530 come from conversation, from storytelling, and from sharing, then you are becoming 00:03:22.530 --> 00:03:27.120 less enclosed and more expressive and it gives you somewhere to place those 00:03:27.120 --> 00:03:30.900 things so there are so many different rituals that exist there are so many 00:03:30.900 --> 00:03:35.970 things you can make up that will serve that same purpose but that 00:03:35.970 --> 00:03:40.349 will never not be a very significant moment in my life remembering that that 00:03:40.349 --> 00:03:43.889 was something that could bring everyone together rather than push everybody into 00:03:43.889 --> 00:03:46.200 their own quiet pockets of grief.