WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en

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So a humanist wedding, I think, is quite different from

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what people would understand
a traditional concept of a wedding to be.

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Again, as with all humanist ceremonies,
it's a very creative process

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and the couple will work for a long
period of time with the celebrant,

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the humanist celebrant,
who's taking the ceremony for them,

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to create a ceremony that really
has heart and meaning for them,

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that really reflects who they are,

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what their values are, 
what their relationship is

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and the things that they want to build 
their marriage on together.

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Every word in a humanist wedding ceremony

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should be specific to the couple
and to the guests

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who have gathered to hear them.

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It should be full of things
that are recognisable to guests.

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They should be able to hear the
voices of the couple within the ceremony.

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People often say to me after a ceremony
'that was such a such a nice ceremony,

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because it was all about so and so',
about the couple,

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about the person if you're doing a funeral.

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And I always said to them, who
else would you want it to be about?

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Of course it's about them.

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And that's why a
humanist wedding is unique,

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because you're only doing it on that day, 
for that couple, in those circumstances.

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You will never write the same script again.

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And right from the beginning, therefore, 
the people who are taking part in the wedding

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can really see that this is these two people.
They're not being contained

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by some traditional set of rules of 
how you do a wedding ceremony.

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This is a true expression of
who they are, what they believe

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and what they want
for their married life together.

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One of the key things about a humanist ceremony,
 which is very different from a traditional ceremony,

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is that we always encourage
the couple to write their own vows

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and I think this is key to what a
humanist ceremony is.

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Because in encouraging them to write their
own vows, we're really encouraging them to

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examine and understand and own
what it is that they want to promise each other,

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what it is that they're building
the foundations of their marriage with

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and taking responsibility
for the words that they're speaking,

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which makes them very present actually
in the wedding ceremony

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because they're not repeating a set text by rote,

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they're speaking words that
they've thought about and created,

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edited and finally agreed to each other

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and I think that's incredibly powerful.

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I think it's really important in public
declarations and rites of passage like this

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where something is happening,
that they sound like the people involved,

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and so prescribed vows, I think, are tricky.

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And personal vows, although they
might might be more daunting,

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are definitely more relevant
in a humanist ceremony.

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There was a lovely couple who
I took the wedding ceremony of

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and the bride was incredibly shy.

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So we were looking at ways
where she would be able to

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say her vows without feeling,
 you know, overly anxious.

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We worked on it for quite a long time
and then came up with a fantastic solution,

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which came from her,
which is that she played the ukulele

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and she always felt herself
 when she played the ukulele,

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felt very relaxed, very comfortable
and fully expressed.

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So she decided that she would hide a ukulele
in the area where the wedding was taking place

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and then when the time came to
take the vows, sure enough,

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her partner, her husband,
said his vows to her,

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and it came to her turn and she said 'just a minute...'

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And then off she went,
got her ukulele,

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and she sang her vows on the ukulele.

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And it was a lovely thing to behold.

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The humanist wedding can happen anywhere

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and couples will choose places
 that have significance to them very personally

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so many couples will choose to get married in,
for instance, the bride's familial home,

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or in the garden or on the beach
where they first met

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or in the place where they proposed.

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And that really speaks to
the uniqueness, I suppose,

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of each individual life and each
individual's freedom of choice.

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A humanist wedding ceremony
that really sticks out in my head

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is from a few years ago when a couple,

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it was really important to them 
that they conducted their ceremony

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somewhere that meant something.

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They walked their dogs on this particular
coastal path near Falmouth,

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and they decided they wanted
all their guests gathered there.

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We all walked en masse

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basically up into a field that had
this view down onto the estuary,

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and that's where their ceremony was held.

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And for this couple,
they'd get to walk through that field

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pretty much at least a couple of 
times a week with their dogs

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And remember, all of the guests
that they had there,

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who witnessed their public declarations,
they witnessed what they said.

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And for them that's a very living continuum
of the marriage ceremony that they had.

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It wasn't just one day,
it's something that continues

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throughout the rest of their married life.

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So for them walking through that field

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knowing that everybody was there 
and we shared that moment,

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I think, in a way, is a very good way of defining
what a humanist ceremony is,

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which is that it is very particular to a couple
and has a lasting effect.

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It's not just something that you do in one day,

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but something that represents
who you are

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and what those things mean to you.