WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:08.360 align:middle line:90% 00:00:08.360 --> 00:00:10.280 align:middle line:84% One of the things I really struggled with 00:00:10.280 --> 00:00:13.640 align:middle line:84% is that when obviously the new guidelines came out, 00:00:13.640 --> 00:00:16.760 align:middle line:84% the team was split up, and really close, supportive 00:00:16.760 --> 00:00:20.580 align:middle line:84% colleagues were moved to different teams. 00:00:20.580 --> 00:00:24.920 align:middle line:84% Some colleagues are also shielding at the moment. 00:00:24.920 --> 00:00:29.540 align:middle line:84% So there was only very few of us left actually in the office. 00:00:29.540 --> 00:00:33.070 align:middle line:84% People who I was close with had gone. 00:00:33.070 --> 00:00:39.590 align:middle line:84% So your social support network was reduced significantly. 00:00:39.590 --> 00:00:43.520 align:middle line:84% And also, I think it's just, you worry that because you 00:00:43.520 --> 00:00:46.520 align:middle line:84% don't have the up-to-date information that you personally 00:00:46.520 --> 00:00:49.850 align:middle line:84% collected; that you have everything you need to make 00:00:49.850 --> 00:00:52.410 align:middle line:84% a decision about what someone will need-- 00:00:52.410 --> 00:00:54.140 align:middle line:84% so I think there's been occasions 00:00:54.140 --> 00:00:57.890 align:middle line:84% when I've been worried that someone's going to go home, 00:00:57.890 --> 00:01:00.320 align:middle line:84% and that they're going to die because the plans weren't 00:01:00.320 --> 00:01:05.900 align:middle line:84% appropriate, and that will be my fault because you're making 00:01:05.900 --> 00:01:07.640 align:middle line:90% very quick, rapid decisions. 00:01:07.640 --> 00:01:11.710 align:middle line:84% And although you're doing your best to manage any risks, 00:01:11.710 --> 00:01:14.680 align:middle line:90% risk is still there. 00:01:14.680 --> 00:01:16.410 align:middle line:90% You can't minimise it. 00:01:16.410 --> 00:01:20.470 align:middle line:84% And I think for a lot of us, lots of patients that we worked 00:01:20.470 --> 00:01:23.290 align:middle line:84% with long-term, whether that's because they've been 00:01:23.290 --> 00:01:26.150 align:middle line:84% in hospital for a long time, or whether-- 00:01:26.150 --> 00:01:28.870 align:middle line:84% we do have a few people who come in to hospital 00:01:28.870 --> 00:01:33.070 align:middle line:84% quite often because they are chronically unwell. 00:01:33.070 --> 00:01:35.500 align:middle line:84% Those people that you're used to, 00:01:35.500 --> 00:01:37.920 align:middle line:90% they passed away from COVID. 00:01:37.920 --> 00:01:40.700 align:middle line:90% And you know them so well. 00:01:40.700 --> 00:01:43.900 align:middle line:84% It's really difficult. There's one gentleman 00:01:43.900 --> 00:01:45.570 align:middle line:90% that I was really-- 00:01:45.570 --> 00:01:49.720 align:middle line:84% I really just loved working with him because he was just 00:01:49.720 --> 00:01:52.350 align:middle line:84% a really pleasant, lovely man, and he was always 00:01:52.350 --> 00:01:55.970 align:middle line:84% so grateful and thankful for my support. 00:01:55.970 --> 00:01:58.690 align:middle line:90% And he loved his carers. 00:01:58.690 --> 00:02:01.990 align:middle line:84% He was just a really, really nice man. 00:02:01.990 --> 00:02:05.160 align:middle line:84% And I found out recently that he died 00:02:05.160 --> 00:02:10.020 align:middle line:84% just because a colleague was talking about it in passing. 00:02:10.020 --> 00:02:13.260 align:middle line:84% And I nearly cried in the office because I just 00:02:13.260 --> 00:02:17.930 align:middle line:84% thought, he's gone, someone that I cared about in obviously 00:02:17.930 --> 00:02:21.410 align:middle line:84% in a professional session quite a lot. 00:02:21.410 --> 00:02:23.833 align:middle line:84% And sometimes, if you don't have the outlet, 00:02:23.833 --> 00:02:25.250 align:middle line:84% or you don't get to talk about it, 00:02:25.250 --> 00:02:27.880 align:middle line:84% it comes out when you're at home. 00:02:27.880 --> 00:02:31.060 align:middle line:90% I remember thinking about it. 00:02:31.060 --> 00:02:35.160 align:middle line:84% And I was worrying that he was on his own when it happened. 00:02:35.160 --> 00:02:37.270 align:middle line:84% And I was putting the washing out in the garden, 00:02:37.270 --> 00:02:39.390 align:middle line:90% and I just felt myself crying. 00:02:39.390 --> 00:02:41.910 align:middle line:90% 00:02:41.910 --> 00:02:46.800 align:middle line:84% So and I think as well sometimes, 00:02:46.800 --> 00:02:49.630 align:middle line:84% certain colleagues they're not the most forthright 00:02:49.630 --> 00:02:54.590 align:middle line:84% in explaining how they feel about what we're doing. 00:02:54.590 --> 00:02:56.860 align:middle line:84% People just want to on with the job 00:02:56.860 --> 00:02:59.620 align:middle line:84% and go home back to their families. 00:02:59.620 --> 00:03:01.300 align:middle line:84% So some people are really struggling, 00:03:01.300 --> 00:03:03.130 align:middle line:84% but they won't be articulate in how 00:03:03.130 --> 00:03:04.990 align:middle line:84% it feels because there is sometimes 00:03:04.990 --> 00:03:08.470 align:middle line:84% a bit of a culture of, oh, just get on with it. 00:03:08.470 --> 00:03:10.345 align:middle line:90% Don't think about it too much. 00:03:10.345 --> 00:03:13.000 align:middle line:84% But if you don't think about it, or you don't reflect on it, 00:03:13.000 --> 00:03:15.328 align:middle line:90% it's going to come out. 00:03:15.328 --> 00:03:16.870 align:middle line:84% It's going to come out down the line. 00:03:16.870 --> 00:03:19.162 align:middle line:84% And it's probably going to be a lot worse than actually 00:03:19.162 --> 00:03:23.030 align:middle line:84% dealing with it and talking about how you feel.